What is Coercion?

Introduction

Coercion and manipulation are two words that crop-up frequently in discussions around narcissism and narcissistic abuse. It can be easy to get the two confused, so here is a quick definition of each, from the Oxford Dictionary.

Manipulation - to handle or control (a tool, mechanism, information, etc.) in a skilful manner, to control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly or unscrupulously. [Words with similar meaning include exploit, control, influence, use/turn to one's advantage, manoeuvre].

Coercion - to persuade (an unwilling person) to do something by using force or threats, to obtain (something) from someone by using force or threats. [Words with similar meaning include pressurise, compel, oblige, browbeat, brainwash, bludgeon, bully, threaten, intimidate, twist someone's arm, bulldoze].

Although both achieve the same result, manipulation works through deception whereas, coercion uses force against a person's conscience, morals or will.

In this article, we will focus on Coercion.

Why is Coercion Important to Narcissists?

Coercion is a powerful and pervasive weapon that narcissists use to maintain an advantage, whatever that 'advantage' is at any moment in time. It is about dominance, superiority and power-over another person, or other people. Coercion also provides a source of supply (input from others to make them feel good about themselves).

Narcissists are masters of manipulation but there are times when a victim is unwilling to comply with the narcissist's demands. In these situations, the narcissist will resort to force. Their lack of empathy means that they neither recognise, nor care, about the impact on their victim. So, narcissists will often force a victim to do, or to say, unethical and unlawful things that achieve the narcissist's aims; aims which will include absolving responsibility and avoiding blame.

One story from the news recorded how a well-known person was caught speeding. The camera image could not be resolved enough to identify the driver. The wife 'admitted' to the offence and accepted the fine, plus points on her licence. Later investigation showed that she had been coerced by her husband into falsely admitting to the offence.

By coercing a spouse, or somebody else, a narcissist feeds their self-esteem and sense of superiority ('I am better than you') and their need for attention ('Look what you have done now, heaping all of this shame upon me'). However, they love the sense of power and control ('I can make my partner do whatever I like'). They love the sense of entitlement ('I got away with it, again. Look how clever I am!') ... and more.

Narcissists will try to coerce anyone and everyone around them and will resort to blackmail if needs dictate.

How Do Narcissists Achieve Coercion?

Strong individuals are not so easily coerced.

However, imagine being a partner who has been constantly undermined, lied-to, accused, persuaded and convinced that we are the problem, the cause of our own pain, the reason why everything is going wrong, until we believe the lies. We will be highly vulnerable to manipulation AND to coercion by our abuser.

Narcissists spend a great deal of time and effort reducing the defences of their victims by using techniques such as gaslighting. This is where the abuser lies to their partner or denies their partner's truth. Then, on top of that, the narcissist shifts blame onto their partner. Eventually, the partner is so confused and disorientated that they accept the blame for starting something their partner did or said. It is a subtle, yet highly effective and destructive technique whereby a narcissist gets their own way by rendering a victim powerless to oppose.

What Are the Results of Coercion?

Coercion undermines, stunts and destroys creativity, relationship, communication and trust within any and all environments. It also:

• Creates confusion and chaos.
• Challenges and breaks legal and ethical boundaries.

Why do businesses still advocate for narcissists being valuable members of their teams when the oppose everything good within these settings?

Why do we still invite narcissists into our business or community? It is like adding lead to our family's meals and watching them slowly die. It is NOT a good position to be in, either for health or for success.

Conclusions

Coercion is a battering ram used by narcissists to get their own way and avoid blame.

Distinct from manipulation, coercion involves force: against the will, conscience and morals. In the hands of the narcissist, coercion frequently leads to compromising and crossing boundaries and breaking the law.

The narcissist's lack of empathy make coercion a matter of fact for the narcissist as there is no moral or social conscience to prevent them from using it, in any situation and with anybody.

The results are disastrous to relationships, productivity and success.

Yet people still advocate for narcissists saying that they are a key part of their teams. Remind me to stay away from these people.

If you would like to learn more about coercion and its impacts, pop over to Amazon or your local book store and grab a copy of 'Escaping The Void.' You'll learn much more, too.

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You will also find the following links helpful for understanding narcissism and its impacts on our lives.

SAFETY ONLINE

How to Protect Our Online Activity When Living in an Abusive Relationship

TERMS AND DESCRIPTIONS USED WHEN TALKING ABOUT NARCISSISM

Terminology and Definitions Used When Talking About Narcissism

IDENTIFYING NARCISSISTS

How to Identify The Different Types of Narcissist

How to Spot Narcissists and Narcissism

Quick Quiz: Find Out if You Are Affected by Narcissists or Narcissism

BUILDING YOUR SUPPORT TEAM

How to build an Effective Support System - Strategies for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

DIVORCING A NARCISSIST

Divorcing a Narcissist - What You Should Know About the Legal System and the Courts