Are Toxicity and Narcissism the Same Thing?

Definitions and Use

The Cambridge Dictionary defines the words as follows:

Toxic (noun) - how poisonous a substance is.

Narcissist (noun) - someone who has too much admiration for himself or herself.

Both words can have very specific meanings, such as when they apply to a particular situation. Examples include, 'Cyanide is highly toxic to humans, often resulting in death' or 'You need a clinical diagnosis to be a narcissist'.

They can also have more general meanings, meanings that imply an effect or impact on another object or person. Examples include, 'That person is really toxic!' or 'Narcissists destroy individuals, communities and societies'.

The two words are often interchanged.

But do they describe the same thing?

Confusion Reigns

Many people currently use the term narcissist to describe someone when they act selfishly, entitled or without feeling. If this is the case, we are ALL narcissists because we all display these behaviours on occasions when we are stressed, afraid, tired, etc. However, most of us also have empathy which allows us to appreciate how others may feel when we act a certain way or say a certain thing. We are able to learn and correct our behaviours.

Some people actually shy away from using the term 'narcissist' because of the misunderstanding in what people generally think it means, compared to what it really means.

Although the two words may be (erroneously) interchanged, they do have different meanings. Narcissism is something more specific than toxicity.

The Relationship Between Toxicity and Narcissism

Toxicity

Toxic behaviours and traits are 'poisonous' to those whom they impact. We are all capable of being toxic on occasions but toxic people are those who repeat the pattern of behaviour and who seem to enjoy causing problems for others. Some describe toxicity as 'people with a malicious intent.'

Toxic attitudes and behaviours include entitlement, selfishness, deceit, lying, blame, envy/covetous, animosity, passive aggression, holding grudges, uncontrolled anger, manipulation, coercion, controlling, sadism (schadenfreude), exploitation, vindictiveness, lack of thought, skewed sense of justice and hypocrisy.

If these look familiar it is because they are also used when discussing and describing narcissism and, just like narcissism, toxicity has a broad spectrum (range) of presentations, activities and impacts.

Toxicity describes the attitudes and behaviours that create an unpleasant effect.

Narcissism

Toxic behaviours are the hallmarks of narcissism.

The narcissist's obsessive need and self-focus cause others to suffer. Narcissism is more about how traits and behaviours create their toxic effects.

Narcissists rely on 'sex, status and stuff' as a measure of their worth or value. These 'external validators' (things from outside the narcissist) are continually changing and this uncertainty drives a need to feel good again. This selfish drive creates single-minded people who target a need with laser focus, destroying whatever gets in the way of achieving their goal. Many times, the damage caused to others is not malicious or with intent: it just happens during the process. However, we must remember that malignant narcissism can include sadism and other traits of antisocial personality disorder, thereby being far more intentional.

Narcissists also use psychological manipulation, such as, gaslighting (the distortion of reality for their victims) to create confusion, increased dependence upon and compliance with, the narcissist.

Their lack of empathy and inability to both accept responsibility for their actions or to honour the boundaries (rules or limits) set by others, makes narcissists dangerous characters. They are compulsive liars who will say or try anything to get out of a fix, including projecting (accusing others of what the narcissist themself has done) the blame onto others. They are also unable to self-reflect, so they do not 'learn from their mistakes' (although narcissists cannot make mistakes) so they repeat the same behaviours, endlessly. If a narcissist 'goes down' they take everyone else with them.

Narcissism describes how attitudes and behaviours are applied to create their toxic effect.

Does The Difference Matter?

Probably not. Their effects are similar.

However, narcissists are far more persistent and consistent in their application of toxic behaviours and they use other techniques, including psychological manipulation, to render their target incapable of resisting or noticing that the relationship is so dysfunctional.

Intimate relationship with either is undesirable and potentially harming, but narcissists are known to create more trauma in their targets which requires a lot more persistence, bravery and therapy to overcome. Crippling insecurity may also drive a narcissist to 'become sticky' so that their target has a really hard time keeping away from their abuser. Narcissists will often seize any opportunity to exploit doubt in their victim to find a way back into a relationship so that they continue their abuse through gaining 'supply' (the things they need to fill their inner void) and support their fragile ego (sense of self).

Narcissism is an extreme form of toxicity and therefore, presents higher risk and increased problems for their target of abuse, especially through their inability to admit responsibility for anything perceived as 'wrong' and their inability to respect the 'boundaries' set by others.

Conclusions

Toxicity describes the attitudes and behaviours that create an unpleasant effect. Narcissism describes how these attitudes and behaviours are applied to create their toxic effect.

Bothe create the same end-result which is damaging and destructive.

It is better to avoid describing people as 'narcissists' just because they display toxic behaviours.

Not all toxic people are narcissists but all narcissists are toxic.

Neither are the kind of people we want in our lives or to be around for long.

**************************************************

You will also find the following links helpful for understanding narcissism and its impacts on our lives.

SAFETY ONLINE

How to Protect Our Online Activity When Living in an Abusive Relationship

TERMS AND DESCRIPTIONS USED WHEN TALKING ABOUT NARCISSISM

Terminology and Definitions Used When Talking About Narcissism

IDENTIFYING NARCISSISTS

How to Identify The Different Types of Narcissist