A Narcissist's Approach to Education

Introduction

Education is often a real 'hot potato' when dealing with a narcissist.

The subject will cause many disagreements, frequently derail progress and hinder the pursuit of more important issues.

To understand why this happens, we need to take a brief look at what education is, what it represents to the majority of us and how narcissists see things rather differently.

What is Education?

In its purest form, education is learning.

We do this in many different ways, each day of our lives. If we are not experienced at photography and want to take photographs, we expect that we will need to combine specific learning with putting the knowledge into action, before we can produce 'great photographs.' We expect a journey, not one hop over the finishing line.

The same applies when we consider general education whilst growing-up. We begin as toddlers, learning the basics of walking, talking and interacting. We progress to deeper understanding as we are presented with further information and taught how to apply it -- in specific situations and, where applicable, to wider life.

An important part of learning is making mistakes and learning from them. If we learn why something did not work, first time around, we can modify our behaviour and actions to achieve what is desired.

How mistakes and failure are presented to us, when growing-up, greatly influences our response to them and whether we can 'bounce back' and try again ('resilience).

Our education continues throughout life: for many until they draw their last breath. As we encounter different people, situations, problems, rebukes, victories and challenges, our opinions are either reinforced or modified. If we think that specific behaviours or habits will not affect us, but friends ask questions and make comments which make it clear that we are changing, we listen to what is said, consider what we are doing and decide whether we need to 'adjust' or 'continue unchanged.' Many of us who accept that we will sometimes get it wrong have no problem hearing and changing.

Higher education sometimes carries with it titles and letters which, in the big social schemes of life, make no difference to who we are or our personal value. If we are kind, helpful and empathetic, no amount of qualifications should alter that except, perhaps, through increased awareness of what helps and what hinders our effectiveness as humans.

Education is a personal journey that combines knowledge and experience to make us more effective in our social, business and community circles. We may approach it in different ways and we may choose to focus on different subjects that interest and/or inspire us, but education allows us to develop into the person that best fits our personality and the skills we possess.

Some never engage in formal higher education, choosing to learn through life experience and practical challenges, BUT everyone engages in some kind of education as they develop.

What is Education to a Narcissist?

Traits that separate narcissists from non-narcissistic people include entitlement, pride, a sense of being special, inability to accept personal responsibility or accountability, obsession with external measures of personal worth ('status, sex, stuff), low self-esteem, high insecurity and a lacking in empathy. These can develop as a child grows. They may be spoilt, abused, suppressed, set expectations that are too high, set expectations that are not their own or, perhaps, learn how to act from narcissistic parent(s), caregivers or other influential people in their life.

At some point, the child consciously decides to become like their role-model, or to escape through self-protection, withdrawal/attack from the harsh realities of life, or to overcome the trauma they have endured and become a decent human being.

Those who choose to become narcissists retain a poorly developed sense of self and a childishly immature emotional make-up.

Education to a narcissist is not about learning. It is about 'storing facts' than can be used to impress, suppress or depress others. Education provides knowledge which brings with it, power and superiority, that sense of 'specialness' that narcissists crave, a chance for one-upmanship, a route to greater power and influence. Since narcissists are highly driven to impress others, higher education brings powerful new words into their arsenal of weapons against others. Degree, masters, doctorate are powerful for boosting self-esteem and image and for putting them above others. They are on the ladder of qualification comparison where they score points over others who lack the same. One will also hear claims of a particular subject or qualification being 'better' than somebody else's.

Narcissists LOVE qualifications as evidence of their education. But a jerk with a PhD is just a highly qualified jerk. They are often a more visible jerk, too.

Qualifications should not change us as people, except humbling us to realise how little we still know, or improving our ability to distinguish between 'needs' rather than 'wants.' However, to the narcissist, qualifications (education) is a key to adulation, elevation in status and significance.

Who Has the Education and Experience?

THE problem lies not with the qualifications per se but how narcissists see life and the world around them. They see the world as hostile, a threat, an arena in which to prove superiority, even if it means 'fighting to the death.' Consequently, education must be ranked and used as a measurement of how they compare with others: a league table of acceptability. So, when a narcissist comes up against another person who is more highly qualified than themselves, the poison begins to flow. To the wider world, qualifications are evidence of learning. To the narcissist they are proof of status and superiority.

Many narcissists, especially covert and malignant types, are intensely jealous and threatened by any whom they see as 'more qualified.' Experience can also be an issue, but narcissists will blatantly lie about their experience whereas, they may be more truthful about their qualifications, if not their grades (unless they are highly academic). Even then, stories still surface in the news or local media of people practicing medicine without having qualified as a doctor and people using the title of doctor when they have not studied for a doctorate. These are classic examples of narcissistic 'self-inflation.'

Narcissists and toxic people are also frequently 'high conflict.' They create a scene for attention and use the resulting confusion and chaos to feed their inner emotional and empathetic void. Their life is about I, me and mine. Anything which supports or reinforces the narcissist is good. Anything that challenges them is bad. There are no grey areas. The emotions of jealousy stirred-up because somebody has more GCSEs or a higher certificate, diploma or degree than a narcissist, is an imminent threat. Therefore, they cannot also be an ally, at least, not until they have demonstrated that they may be useful to the narcissist for career profession, elevation of status or a source of adulation..

The Result

As we will have gathered, what should be something that unites people becomes divisive, what should enable to achieve more together becomes a contested issue that increases competition and reduces output.

Narcissists seek other ways to dominate if they cannot use their education. Dominance is about 'power over' rather than 'power with.' Productivity, success and contentment (happiness) are all need 'power with' (mutual help and support). and are disrupted and, eventually, destroyed by 'power over.'

There are those who argue for narcissists in their organisation because they are 'good' at training, sales, managing, directing.

However, I would urge those people to rethink their definition of 'good' and begin to consider the toxic impact that these individuals have upon the morale, mood, health and output of those who interact with them. Perhaps, rather than overlooking the 'personal difficulties' that may arise they consider the overall loss, especially longer term, to their company, community or social group.

Is There a Solution?

Education is a potentially powerful trigger that creates ongoing low (and high) visibility antagonism, conflict and disruption by narcissists.

Being aware of this allows us to take time to spot individuals with toxic or narcissistic traits, earlier in their recruitment to a club, organisation, business or friendship. For example, the inclusion of screens for narcissistic traits during job interviews and a part of ongoing assessment would help to reduce increasing the concentration of toxins with an organisation.

Increased awareness of the true impact of narcissists encourages us to be more diligent in identifying possible early warning signs of a narcissist in our group and to take action.

These easy and simple steps will save time, money, energy, health, livelihoods and lives later, when it is difficult or impossible to reverse the toxic trends and effects of a narcissist upon a community of people.

Conclusions

Education empowers people to change, enables them to contribute more meaningfully and, hopefully, expands their capacity to appreciate others.

To the narcissist, education is a tool for dominance or a reason for resentment. The sense of achievement in gaining a particular qualification or skill is eclipsed by the need to 'be best,' control others and hold the power. Prestige in a name or title is more important than the achievements the title or qualification may help.

Diversion of energy, away from agreed goals and objectives, towards the significance and success of an individual, created by narcissists, draws into serious question their value in organisations and communities.

An educated narcissist is is usually a more destructive narcissist, either through their arrogance or through their envy.

We must tread carefully and wisely, as we navigate through the maze, in which, a narcissist's perception of education will build more walls than provide escape routes to success.

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You will also find the following links helpful for understanding narcissism and its impacts on our lives.

SAFETY ONLINE

How to Protect Our Online Activity When Living in an Abusive Relationship

TERMS AND DESCRIPTIONS USED WHEN TALKING ABOUT NARCISSISM

Terminology and Definitions Used When Talking About Narcissism

IDENTIFYING NARCISSISTS

How to Identify The Different Types of Narcissist

How to Spot Narcissists and Narcissism

Quick Quiz: Find Out if You Are Affected by Narcissists or Narcissism

BUILDING YOUR SUPPORT TEAM

How to build an Effective Support System - Strategies for Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

DIVORCING A NARCISSIST

Divorcing a Narcissist - What You Should Know About the Legal System and the Courts